W83 Newsletter Feature October 2019

"Mutual Transformation" | Do For One

Interview with Andrew Oliver, founder and conductor of Do For One

How did Do For One start?

I was working in a state-run agency that helped people with developmental disabilities to get jobs, and I was deeply inspired by the first person I worked with,Tony. He died in 2014, and he had been institutionalized at the age of 6. He became a close friend of mine, and as I got to know him and his wounded soul, his history, and all the things he’d gone through, I learned so much about what it means to be a human and what life is about. And I really learned the value of relationships, because so many relationships were taken away from him over the course of his life. There are a lot of different people and experiences that led me to want to start Do For One, but I always focus on him because he was the main person, and God was breaking through in my own life in personal ways, too. So looking back, the timing was very much divinely orchestrated, because I was experiencing the love of God personally and it overflowed with Tony in a way that made me feel called to be a voice for people who have no voice. I learned everything I could from a program called called Citizen Advocacy, and decided to go for it: build a relationship-building program for people like Tony, to help more people experience family-like relationships. 

How did you get involved with W83?

In 2016, we became an affiliate of Hope For New York. There was a lot of emerging interest in our work on the UWS through connections of HFNY. Volunteers from HFNY joined us, and their friends joined and there was just momentum building there, so it made sense to look into what to do about that, how to foster that momentum and guide it. Someone from HFNY told us how we could rent from you all.
 
What does Do for One do here?
 
We have what we call community gatherings, to support Do For One relationships, and also to foster new involvement, both from the disabled and non-disabled side of the community. We use the space to host those gatherings. They include food, desserts, games, music, conversation. There’s very little program agenda. It would feel like a group of friends getting together, and it’s designed intentionally that way so that people don’t feel like they have to be somebody that they’re not. We really just try to keep people at the forefront, and just talk to people wherever they’re at, whatever is going on with them in life at the moment. What’s beautiful is that people lead from who they are. It’s a wonderful thing to see that each person and their personality, what they bring, that is what the night is. There’s no one person trying to dictate an atmosphere or expectations to be or act a certain way that everyone needs to fit into.
 
How have you seen Do For One change people’s lives?

We see people with developmental disabilities who now have relationships where the person is in their life purely voluntarily, freely given, no boxes that need to be checked: they’re there because they love this person. We have seen a lot of emotional transformation in people’s lives because they have a safe person, who isn’t there to fix them. Because of the sense of confidence that gives, we’ve seen people with developmental disabilities make more courageous choices for themselves, believing in themselves more, believing that more is possible. We’ve seen parents of the people we serve have a greater hope for their child’s future. And of course there have been some people who have worked with their partner on interview prep, and one person recently got a job. We’ve seen the mutual transformation in these relationships in the sense that the more privileged person in the relationships has also been transformed, in realizing their own vulnerability and brokenness. Finding that actually, the person with developmental disability needs my help, but also I need their help, I have something to receive from them. And in turn, that increases the sense of identity that that the person with disability feels. They have not only someone who loves them, but somebody to love.

 
What have you learned in your own work with Do For One?

I think a big challenge I face personally, leading a nonprofit that does what we do, is that I can’t get caught in comparison. When my heart goes there, the temptation to produce something big or easily measured will kick in, and I recognize that I have the capacity to recreate the same problems that people with developmental disability are oppressed by, which is institutional thinking. So I’ve learned I have to take care of myself spiritually, so I can resist those temptations. And I’ve delighted in the fact that we have core group leaders that lead the Upper West Side gatherings and other neighborhoods we reach and work with me as we support relationships, people who are in this quest with me. It’s kind of interesting when you start something, and you say these things to other people, and it catches on. They start talking like that, and it reminds me that I need to hear it, too. People are learning so much that they’re actually leading me and keeping me accountable, too.

What do you want people to know about Do For One?

I want people to know that on a very practical level, we are a relationship-building program. We don’t strive to do anything more than that. And I think on the more theological or philosophical level, the most powerful thing that we can do is live out what we believe through personal relationships. And that’s the hardest place. So if we say that we believe that people are made in the image of God, the best way to live that out in action is by expressing love and kindness and a willingness to receive from people in your life, particularly people who have nothing to give you in return.

How do people get involved?
We have seasonal info sessions. We recommend that as the first step for anyone: to come and hear the fuller story and understand the scope of the work and to meet some of us. And they can expect that the follow up invitation would be to have more conversations with us and possibly come and visit us at a community gathering.

pictured: Lenny and Jesse from Do For One